US Snipers in Iraq are getting it for using a Koran as target practice. That’s obviously bad form or something. So as a public service I’d like to offer a few - safer - book suggestions for future snipping:
Silent Spring by Rachel Carson
Give it another 20 years and this book will be deadlier than Mein Kampf and the Communist Manifesto put together. Rachel Carson’s eco-scare book is responsible for the world wide ban on the anti-Malaria pesticide DDT - a ban that has saved the California condor at the cost of 2 million Africans a year.
Carson’s dead, so you’ve missed your chance to shoot her, how about the next best thing? Shoot her book.
Woof. A door is a door, a haystack is a haystack, if you want to spend 40 minutes describing either, you should have become a painter. Line the whole oeuvre up, try out the high cal.
Klein opposes the identity marketing of the big multinationals and their monstrous practise of sending jobs to poor countries - those bastards! A fixture of pretentious coffee tables everywhere.
If you’re going to shoot Klein’s book, I have to recommend this awesome new 500SW bullet designed by Smith & Wesson for their Magnum™ handguns. It’s made by Indian child labour so you know it’s good. One shot’ll blow that book to shreds.
The last half of Atlas Shrugged - by Ayn Rand
The first half is brilliant, genius even. The second half is the reason you’re embarrassed to be seen with the book in public. Read, you’ll know what I mean. C’mon, all that build up, and we get a secret underground lair and electroshocks? That’[s the big scary torture facing Galt? Lame. Aim for the last 400 pages.
Truth be told I liked this book. But Stephen King is an elitist mutant, so fire away.
The manliest most beautiful book in a generation. Like old man in the sea if old man and the sea were good. It’s so achingly good that it makes life pale by comparison. You know how when you’re at a party and all you brought was cheap beer, like Moslon’s or something? But then your friend gives you a Stella, and when you go back to your own beer, it tastes like watered down crap? This book does that to your life. Not worth the risk.
The Sylvia Browne Book Collection by Sylvia Browne
Because you’d probably go to prison if you shot her. I saw her once in Toronto. I got roped into going to see her speak. If I went and helped out at the talk, then I’d get to see the Steven Levitt | Bill Clinton | Seth Godin talks free of charge. There was a guy dressed like a priest except his frock was purple and his face red. I went inside and this nut was propped in a chair, lazily talking about how women come from the Andromeda galaxy.
I read this book back when I wanted to be cool and sleep with pierced women. It was one of those books where you’d get to the end of the page and forget what you read. Pure crap, as much a wank to own as it probably was to write it.
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
As a Canadian Conservative, I’m morally required to hate anything Margaret Atwood commits to paper. If she wrote me a cheque, I’d have to spit on the signature. That said, this book is legitimately execrable. Big bad corporations destroy the world, and the last survivor becomes a prophet for the GM’d chimeras. Freaking hippy. Use a tracer round with this one, so it’ll burn too.
The Torah by some Jewish guy
If your objective is to win hearts and minds, why not shoot the Torah? The kind of guy who freaks out and threatens violence because you put a hole in the koran is probably the same kind of guy that would give you one of those totally not gay middle eastern man kisses if you shot the Jewish holy book. And that’s what this is all about, right? Why else would US troops prostrate themselves before Middle Eatsern tribesmen and actually kiss a replacement Koran before handing it over? They’re pandering, so why not you? Go all in.
Other suggestions are welcome in the comments.
Shooting any holy book would be reprehensible to Muslims. The Torah and the Biblical texts are mentioned as revelations from God in the Koran (albeit later changed by men).
Kind regards,
Shukri
albeit later changed by men…
That’s a pretty fundamental albeit. As I understand it, Islam now in possession of the eternal and uncreated truth doesn’t in fact show much respect for the Judeo-Christian texts because those today existing are not the “real” ones. It certainly does not consider them holy like the Christians consider the old Testament holy. The whole point of Islam is to step out of the Judeo-Christian faith in an ever unfolding history of progressive revelations, now that the final, i.e. “original” and complete revelation has been received.
The whole point of Western religion is that men, in conversation with a loving God, “change” (learn ever more) how men understand and worship God. That progressive, unending, revelation is what Islam opposes. It’s a pretty fundamental divide, Islamic apologetics aside.
Still, it would be better to strike up a conversation about what is universal to our humanity, in attempts to bridge this divide. And to that end, we need to think about books we can both shoot in common, at the Jew-Christian-Muslim rifle days we hope to celebrate to cement the new world order. To that end, i suggest anything by Karl Marx, the only serious competitor for most deadly writer in history.
On the Karouac book might I recommend a 50 grain .224 Nosler Ballistic Tip 250ct.Varmint grade bullet on top of a standard 5.56×45mm NATO casing with a standard M855 charge.
This round will turn the narcissist hedonistic literature of latter day beat-gens back into a useful fluffy wood pulp particulate which can be recycled into earth friendly paper products which can then be utilized to publish real literature.
Just a house hold tip for the book shooters out there
;-)
Hmm. I’d have let the reader take his/her choice from among the works of Ann Coulter, a writer who has done more than her part to make actual political discourse impossible. I have enormous admiration for her finely tuned sense of just how much synthetic rage the market will bear (always, of course, released in acid pellets just before a new book launch to maximize the meida exposure): but the vapidity of her political “vision”, and fact that she is apparently actually viewed in some circles as something more than just a self-promoting vendor of cheap outrage, earn her a spot on the book range.
Why does the Right elevate falsehood to the level of a sacrament? The DDT nonsense has been utterly debunked, but the lying liars are still pushing the “death-by-treehugger” meme for all it’s worth.
I can’t be bothered reading your other nine after seeing that one. I did notice, however, that Mein Kampf isn’t on your target list–not that I’m reading anything into that. : )
I should have posted this link, which serves as a clearing-house for other DDT links.
Babulican I think we may be able to work out something with Coulter’s 300 page screeds..how still can you hold one without flinching ;-)
Dawg as always, Trotskyite acerbity, humor (particularly ironic absurdity) is lost on you.
I have worked out a system of clamps and pulleys, WL, which spares my wrists when reading Coulter. I have so far been unable to contrive a similar strategy, however, to spare my brain. I fear that abstinence may be the only solution.